question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
