Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
