I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
