Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
