apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
