Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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