He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She told me I should be a condom model.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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