i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
