We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
