I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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