She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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