You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
