You work out of a Hotel?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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