At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
