Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
