this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
