Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
