I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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