Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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