Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
