Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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