A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
