do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
