I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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