That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
