After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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