That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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