just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
