I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
