just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I party with great urgency now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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