Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
