I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
