Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
