Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
