i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
