today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
