I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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