she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
