Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
