just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I love having hate sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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