I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
