There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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