you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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