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i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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