I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
