i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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