I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
