You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
