She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this just has baby written all over it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
