Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your cock deserves a montage
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
