well I can't set my house on fire every night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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