There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
