just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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