I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I believe in your delicious
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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