bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
