If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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