i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
