walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
