it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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