After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
