you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
