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I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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